18 Safety Tips About Serial Killers

As a public service I present the following:

I thought it might be helpful to provide some tips for protecting yourself from serial killers. Further, since most serial killer victims are woman, I am directing this advice to woman.

I suggest that this list be memorized, and the procedures practiced regularly so that these tips might be drawn upon at anytime without hesitation.

(You may also print these warnings and pass them out to friends. )

1. Always be on the lookout for serial killers

2. Serial killers like to hang out in parking lots at K-Mart & WalMart sitting in their cars all day.

3. Don't be friends with any serial killers.

4. Never invite a serial killer over to watch Desperate Housewives or Ellen.

5. It is important for women to avoid serial killers who have killed more than 6 people because being victim number 7 is unlucky.

6. If you are walking to your car and you see a male in the car next to yours, assume that he is a serial killer. Shoot him and then run. This is legal in most states.

7. All men are serial killers. You cannot be too paranoid.

8. Be afraid of anyone who looks at you any time in any place.

9. There is no such thing as having too many weapons in your purse or briefcase.

10. Even if you accidently kill innocent people who are not serial killers, that's OK. The police will understand and won't arrest you.

11. Sometimes friends and family turn out to be serial killers. Never trust them.

12. Your spouse is probably a serial killer and you don't know it.

13. Even though you've tried hard to raise your sons right they are probably going to be serial killers anyway. It's not your fault. Never trust them.

14. Some women have been known to kill everyone in their house just to be on the safe side. This may sound extreme, but it works.

15. Some women have been known to go out hunting and killing men. Even though the FBI refers to these women as serial killers, it is far more likely that they were just trying to keep themselves safe from serial killers by being proactive.

16. When you shoot a serial killer always remember to empty your gun into him. Use every last bullet before you stop shooting. Also, you may want to shoot anyone else who is around. They are probably accomplices. Don't worry if you have to stop and reload. Just shoot anyone you see until you run out of ammunition. This will help keep you safe.

17. All serial killers are men. Women who kill are just retaliating for years of abuse. You'll understand better what I mean when their stories are told on Lifetime or discussed on The View.

18. Never wear wool socks on a Thursday. This is a sign to rapists and serial killers that you are a willing victim.