I'm Looking for Someone To Sue

This past Weds. evening I went for an early evening swim in our pool. While in the pool I noticed that our inflatable lobster that normally floats around in there, was missing. Since I keep it tied to the filter return line, I knew it couldn't have gone far. Suspecting that the wind had blown it over the edge of the pool, I boosted myself over the edge and found it languishing in the stones around the sidewall.

I leaned over and grabbed on to the errant bottom feeder and as I brought it back into the pool a swarm of yellow jackets that had evidently built a nest under the edge of the pool, came after me.

The first strike hit me on the left bicep. The second shot was to my right eyebrow, then a third to my stomach and a fourth to my back as I dove under the water. When I resurfaced, the swarm was still buzzing around so I went back under. Luckily 3 of the 4 attackers drowned immediately, but the first one was still biting me on the arm. I gave him a good smack and he dropped lifelessly into the wash with the rest of them.

Despite the pain, I went immediately to my backyard shed and retrieved the wasp and hornet spray. Ignoring my potentially fatal wounds ( I am allergic to bee stings ), I went back to the scene of the attack, located their encampment, and destroyed every last one of them.

Robin went to the drug store and purchased some sort of medication to calm the pain. It worked pretty well on the eyebrow, stomach and back wounds. The bicep however is another story. It's been 4 days and my left bicep still is swollen and itchy.

The upside is that I have a left bicep like a power lifter. ( I'm thinking about trapping a yellow jacket and getting my right arm done. )

So anyhow, in this world of litigation, there ought to be someone I can hold responsible; The manufacturer of the inflatable lobster, because it should have a warning on it that says;" Lobster may get blown out of pool and land near a yellow jacket nest". Perhaps I could go after the pool manufacturer for not putting a warning on the pool; " Yellow jackets may nest near your pool, be careful when retrieving inflatable lobsters." I'm thinking that somehow my neighbors must be liable because they should have noticed this nest while I was on vacation and warned me about it when I returned home. The other possibility is that since allergies are somehow passed through genetics, my parents should be responsible for this tragedy.There is also a local high school football team that has as their mascot a large yellow jacket. It seems to me that by humanizing the yellow jacket in this fashion, they have masked the danger of these beings. Consequently, I and most likely others have become complacent of this hazard.

So, if anyone knows the name and number of the attorney who handled the McDonalds Hot Coffee lawsuit, please pass it on to me.